Good Job?

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yes, I am totally passed out with the kids watching tv. No, that’s not my belly, it’s a white t shirt. Photo courtesy of Wes. And he woke me up!

So this has been a regular occurrence around here for the past month or so. I’ve been hit with bouts of extreme fatigue, along with a few other symptoms. (No, I’m not pregnant. Yes, I have been to the doctor).

I’m not living up to be the kind of person I think I should be when this happens. I’m not coming up with new activities. I’m not cleaning up the carpet of toys on the floor. I’m not even playing games or reading books sometimes, even though I’m already on the floor. I’m not spending much time with Wes (conscious time, anyway). I’m definitely not doing dishes for the third time today. I’m letting the kids watch more tv and eat hot dogs. I’m not working but I’m sure I should be.

So why am I getting a stack of drawings from her that all say “I love you, Mommy”? Why do I still get smiles and giggles and hugs around the neck every time I pick him up with my aching arms? Why does Wes come home and tell me I’m beautiful and that I’m doing a good job?

A good job at what? Napping? Wearing sweats all day?

I take great pride in what I do for my family. I love to cook, clean, teach, create, plan adventures for them. But I can no longer confuse that doing with my worth to them. My worth to my family is in just being. I don’t understand this at all.

But I know there’s a word for it: Grace. It’s a humbling place to live. But it’s the best place.

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4 responses to “Good Job?

  1. Reminds me of something Ron used to say (and probably still says) to Karen – “Go be beautiful”. He said he liked to give her easy assignments:) I guess that is the heart of what God says to us! – Live in Me; go be beautiful (Sara Groves – “And this is grace, the invitation to be beautiful…)

    I see what Wes sees too! – one beautiful lady!!

  2. Great post Laura. Epic. Praying for you that your fatigue will be healed, and for extra Grace. Kim, I love that song! It may be my life theme song.

  3. “My worth to my family is in just being.” YES! I have known that for a long time, but like you, I still don’t get it. Our children want us more than our works. That is the heart of God towards us, as well.

  4. Wow, I’ve never thought of this like that. I feel EXACTLY the same way right now. Ahem, I think I’ll go to bed right now. But thank you so much for this post. I don’t know why but I had bookmarked your blog a long time ago and was flipping through my favorites in search of shed designs and voila! This hit me square in the chest. BTW, I am friends with Kim S. that’s how I found your blog. Thanks for your honest posts.

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