Mental Sabogarbage

Wait! You say. You aren’t supposed to be on the internet today! My, you are observant. We actually took yesterday off due to Wes’ work schedule. So we did it. I actually had a harder time staying away than Wes, which he found quite funny.
Today was gorgeous – it had to have been in the 60’s. Abi and I tried to go for a ride. Everything with my cross bike is going horribly wrong, but that is another story.
Anyways, between that and my pseudo-nap this afternoon, I was thinking a lot. Okay, too much.
I had a pretty strange week last week after the race. It was my usual post-race blues, but much worse for some odd reason. They didn’t even start until I found out I got third. I was almost sad, then I tried to see what my place was within all the women, something like 7th, and that made me feel better. I couldn’t figure it out. Today I realized what it was – I don’t race to win. I don’t call myself an athlete (thanks for the correction on that, blog readers). This is really just mental sabotage, or mental garbage, or mental sabogarbage: whatever you want to call it.
Why do I think these things, you ask? Because I am afraid of becoming someone I don’t want to be, or worse yet, someone that I used to be. I don’t want racing to define me. I don’t want the expectation that I have to win. I don’t want to become prideful or snooty. I don’t want to start making excuses for why I didn’t do this or that.
I talked to Wes about it and he had something good to say. He said that God has changed me massively from who I was. He loved me then, still loves me now. Wes says I am minimizing what God is doing if I don’t think He has given me my new-found spunkiness/speediness and that He has also given me the character development to handle it with grace.
He also said to stop thinking so much. I love my husband.